Sexual literacy in children: Its relevance and how young should it start?

Mention the word “sex,” and people pretend not to hear you. And if there is a young child in the vicinity, the others would most likely cover the child’s ears. Sex is not to be discussed publicly, much less with young children.

Hence it is no surprise that although sexual education is technically in the school curriculum, it is hidden in a subject of low priority (read: non-PT3 or non-SPM) subject.

This concern has been addressed by Dr Lihanna Borhan, a Developmental Psychologist from the International Islamic University Malaysia and also one of the Medical Advisory Board members for Mama Net, a locally flourishing educational parenting App. “If we downgrade sexual education in schools, how do we achieve sexual literacy?” she says.

She reiterated that sexual literacy is not simply the knowledge about reproductive organs and sex. It is about understanding sexual functioning, being able to distinguish between myths and facts related to sex, knowing how to navigate sexually-related content in real life and on-line, and knowing how to prevent unwanted pregnancies or not catching or transmitting sexually-transmitted diseases, among others. When seen holistically, it is not about simply knowing about sexual behaviours, but it is about protecting oneself.

The last part is why sexual literacy is something children should have. Adults may not always be around to protect them all the time. And sadly, in some cases, these adults are the ones whom the child need to be protected from. In the gadget-heavy world of our children today, sexual literacy provides a layer of protection for children from self-monitoring to avoid inappropriate content, and to be aware of online sexual predators.

So how young should it start? From the time the parent allows the child access to the internet via personal gadget that the parent is not monitoring the entire time the child is online – that is the time the child should start to be equipped with sexual literacy – in a way and level that is age appropriate.

Online sexual literacy should go hand-in-hand with cybersecurity measures for the child. In addition to the parental monitoring apps, the child should be made aware of the potential dangers of the online environment, including possible sexual predators. Remember, pedophiles don’t simply come across as pedophiles, the grooming process may take awhile – and this is the part of sexual literacy that each child who is given semi-monitored access to the internet should know.

It is not simply about having “the talk.” Since we are talking perhaps young children here, parents should be discussing the content the child comes across – as often as they can. The discussions shouldn’t be judgmental or about body-shaming, the values are to be conveyed in a friendly matter-of-fact way, appropriate to the developmental level of the child. At this age, there is no need to be sexually graphic or specific, but enough for the child to understand the content is not suitable. Should inappropriate advertisements or website or video suggestions pop up, the child should be taught what to do. 

Some parents may feel this is going to make the child more curious about sex. It is actually the opposite. “Secrets” and “taboos” make children curious, the same way we adults are – that is the nature of human beings. But when the child learns what she or he needed to learn in a matter-of-fact manner, it becomes another fact of life, a non-issue – the aura of mystery and secret is gone, the appeal is then reduced.

The reason we get uncomfortable to talk to our children about sex when they reach adolescence is because we have never attempted to discuss anything even related to it. Modesty is part of sexual literacy, and hence, it should be something parents should have at least started discussing with their children before they go to pre-school and mix with others. Again, no need to body-shame, but enough to teach them how to go to the toilet by themselves, and how to put on their clothes by themselves while taking care not to expose themselves to others.

Children need to learn about safe touch and bad touch. This is also part of sexual literacy.

Children need to learn about possible grooming acts. This is also part of sexual literacy.

Children need to know who and where to turn to and what to do when exposed to unwanted behaviours from others. This is part of sexual literacy.

As such, it is essential to start when they are possibly going to be exposed to these unwanted acts. Sexual literacy in young children, and later as they grow older, is as much about equipping them with knowledge and skills that will protect them. And as they grow older, it will become part of their skill set from risky behaviours too, towards becoming responsible adults, including not engaging in sexually-laced abhorrent talks and behaviours.