Kym Tan- May Mama of The Month

Parents are role models for their children. The behaviour of parents will affect their children’s life. Children’s first school and first teachers are their parents, so it is a great responsibility to be parents. Children are also the object of parents’ reflection, because the children mirrors their parents. So how to cultivate a child’s character? It depends on how their parents raise them. For this month’s Mama of the Month, we invited the online radio station Bradio DJ, host of the program “Quality time with family”- Kym碧琴 to talk with us about her concept of parenting. She also said that one small session of her online program was of her daughter’s name. Because she wants her children to have a compassionate heart and grow up happily.

Let’s read her story together.

Children’s first educational model – couples must work together

As for the parenting model, Kym said that she is the key person for that. This is because she was a preschool teacher and has 18 years of experience as a piano teacher, so she has no problem educating children or communicating with children, and she has a good relationship with children. But she hopes that her personality and her husband’s personality can be passed on to her daughter. Because if it is unilaterally her personality, it may be more difficult to gain a foothold in the future society.

Kym bluntly said that her family education is different from her husband’s and her personality is also polarised. For her husband’s family education, it is military-style education. To grow up, you need to encounter many hardships. If you encounter bumps or falls, you will know that this is life. And hers is to let the child understand, understand and then accept why, even if the process takes time.

Parents are children’s teachers, children are parents’ lifelong teaching materials

After having children, Kym also learned to slow down and think more from the perspective and position of others. “Maybe before this, I just put 30% into thinking from someone else’s point of view. But after having a child, I won’t feel that everything is right, I will feel that there may be right and wrong in this matter, but which one has more probability of right and wrong. I will now respect the fact that others disagree with my own ideas.”

To add, when facing things, Kym tends to get angry easily before, but now she is more calm, steady, and tolerant. Just like educating children, there is no rush. Every child has a different rhythm of learning time. As long as you do your best and give more time to wait patiently, everything will be arranged. 

Postpartum depression – Almost divorced

Postpartum depression doesn’t stem from a lack of optimism or cheerfulness. Unfortunately, Kym suffered from postpartum depression 2 months after giving birth to her daughter, and it lasted for about 8 months. Factoring in the MCO that happened, her life changed 180 degrees, from pregnancy to delivery, staying at home and being unable to go out and meet friends. To add, this has also affected her work, causing her to worry about her own income. It didn’t help when the nature of her husband’s work requires him to leave early and come back home late.

Her husband did his best in helping Kym with child-rearing but most of the time she is left alone to take care of her children. Kym became less confident and began to worry and think wildly. Various reasons made her even more negative. Whatever happened, she would complain and arouse dissatisfaction, to make things worse she found herself quarrelling with her husband more often than she hoped to. 

Kym is aware that she suffers from postpartum depression. When she told her mother and sister about it, they brushed it off saying that she had just given birth and that she is not depressed, everything that she is feeling is merely something that she should just ignore, her husband agrees with what is said, “just your feeling,” when in fact, it’s not.

This situation lasted for about 8 months. Her husband couldn’t stand her and felt that her whole personality had changed, she couldn’t control her emotions and filed for divorce. Only then did she realise that the situation was serious and needed counselling, so she met a clinical psychiatrist through the introduction of a friend from a Buddhist group, and then slowly changed and adjusted. 

When she was lost, she searched for what she should do next and how to move forward with her husband. So she got guidance from “The 7 Chakras” founder Mr Simon, and that is where she got the sentence – ‘change time for space’, and because of this sentence, she changed her mind and supported the present. She started to take things lightly and gave herself time to make peace with everything that was happening.

A vulnerable mother is still a strong mother

When you become a mother, being vulnerable doesn’t mean that you are weak. Things happen, you don’t have to stomach everything by yourself, you are still a strong mother. Many women feel like they’ve lost themselves when they became a housewife, but that’s not true. Mamas cherish and love yourself, understand the value of your existence, and naturally, you will shine. It is okay to be vulnerable and show your emotions appropriately, it is not always a bad thing.

It is the nature of children to love to help

No matter how young the child is, if the child wants to help the parents with things, such as mopping the floor or housework, even if the child does not do well or break things, don’t reject the child’s kindness and don’t always feel that he is not doing well or needs the adult’s help. For Kym, she lets her children eat alone and get things around them dirty, as long as they eat by themselves and are willing to clean up with their parents afterwards, it is a good thing. 

It is OK to be a vegetarian, nutrition is not a problem

Vegetarianism is a huge trend in our current world. More and more people are choosing to go vegetarian for the sake of their health and in order to preserve the continuity of animals and the environment. However, when a vegetarian mother is pregnant, stress may fall on her because what if her vegetarian lifestyle leads to her baby’s nutritional deficiencies?

Seven years ago, Kym came into contact with a Buddhist group’s stage play by chance. The requirement was that the actors must be vegetarian for 108 days, and since then she has been vegetarian until now.

“I admit that I don’t really enjoy eating meat even before I became a vegetarian, I also had never eaten barbecued pork. I felt that I had no right to end the life of animals, so I chose to continue being a vegetarian.”

It is widely known that pregnant mothers need to consume a balanced diet during pregnancy, otherwise it is not good for the growth of the fetus. But for Kym, there is absolutely no problem with being a vegetarian during pregnancy. This is mainly because there are many vegetarians around her, and there are also nutritionist friends who offer her nutrition advice. In addition, her Buddhist group also held lectures on nutrition, Kym is able to obtain a lot of knowledge from all these instances. 

“As long as you eat right, you shouldn’t face too many problems with a vegan pregnancy.” Instead, she was well-nourished during her pregnancy and even gained 20kg.

Although her daughter is a fetal vegetarian baby, she is not forcing her child to be a vegetarian. It is her daughter’s choice if she wants to be a vegetarian or eat meat when she grows up.

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